brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize