she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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