We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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