I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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