So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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