OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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