so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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