Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I will be naked everywhere
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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