It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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