I skipped work to stalk him.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
