I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Someone shattered a urinal.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
