I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
