turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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