mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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