I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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