I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
