I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
