oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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