we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
