So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
MIDGETS
????
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
