Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
