Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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