My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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