so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
