Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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