my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
