I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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