I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
