It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
