i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
false alarm, still single
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
