Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize