i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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