something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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