Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
