if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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