proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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