So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
