he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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