At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize