I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
