worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
