you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
