So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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