he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
