he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I love having hate sex.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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