I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize