Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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