Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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