You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
