Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
