First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
