how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
