I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
