On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
