I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
