I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
