True but thats because hes a fetus.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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