i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
