Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize