We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
