Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
